


Absence of Fear

by hardboiledbaby



Category: Alias Smith and Jones
Genre: M/M, Yuletide 2010
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-25
Updated: 2010-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-14 02:30:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/144361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hardboiledbaby/pseuds/hardboiledbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An angry Kid is scary. An angry Heyes is pissy.</p><p><i>(Reference to non-con)</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Absence of Fear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kassidy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kassidy/gifts).



> 4/19/11 - New and improved! Much thanks to JoJo for the awesome beta.

Kid was mad.

"You just had to bet _all_ of it, didn't you? Every last cent."

They'd been riding for hours on empty stomachs, and a hungry Kid was never happy. Kid, who had already been annoyed about their turn of fortunes when they left Cripple Creek—in a hurry, as the sheriff took a dim view of transients, especially flat-broke ones—was now starving, and had worked himself up to a churlish conniption.

"Three hundred dollars of our money— _our_ money—and it's all gone. Not one thin dime left."

"The odds of that fella beating my four Jacks with a straight flush—" Heyes began, but Kid cut him off.

"I don't give a shit about the odds, Heyes. You didn't have to put it all in the pot. Would it have been so hard to hold back the price of our room, maybe something to put in our bellies?"

Heyes opened his mouth to reply, but Kid made a disgusted face and held up his hand. He urged his horse to a trot, putting some distance between them. Heyes stared at Kid's rigid back and sighed resignedly.

This wasn't bad, as far tantrums went. Kid would get over it quickly—well, once he ate something, he would. They'd been down on their luck before, lots of times. _Too many_ , Heyes acknowledged to himself ruefully. This was just grousing, something Heyes himself would do, albeit not quite with Kid's appetite-driven vehemence. No, this wasn't bad at all, all things considered. It could have been worse, much worse.

Because Kid had something of a temper. Which was sort of like saying Kid was fair to middling with a gun.

That temper was rarely aimed directly at Heyes. Thank God. But when it was....

Truth to tell, Heyes was a mite scared of Kid when he got well and truly worked up. Just a mite. It had nothing to do with the .45 at Kid's side—Heyes was sure of only two things in this life, and one of them was that Kid would never really hurt him, not that way. And fast and hot as the anger flared, it would blow over just as quickly, so Heyes had not given much thought to the matter before.

Until now.

Heyes was given to lapses of hot-headedness of his own, of course, although he privately considered them moments of righteous indignation rather than being "all pissy," as Kid would say. But now that he was thinking on it, he realized that when he got really, _really_ mad, Kid didn't seem to be afraid of him at all.

 _Huh._

There was something about that inequity that began to gnaw at Heyes. He could be as intimidating as the next man. He could.

 _Sure. As long as the next man isn't Kid, apparently._

His ruminations were interrupted by a gunshot. Startled, he looked up quickly. Kid was holstering his gun and dismounting.

"How do you feel about some jackrabbit stew, Heyes?"

*****

"What are you all pissy for?"

Heyes scowled.

As predicted, once Kid had his fill of stew, his good humor was restored and the earlier outburst seemed forgotten. He sat across the campfire from Heyes, and was cheerfully cleaning his gun—a little too cheerfully, and it was getting on Heyes' nerves.

"I am not _all_ pissy. Why do you always say that?"

"I only say it when you are, Heyes. Look at you. You're sitting there with an almighty scowl fit to break your face. You're obviously brooding about something."

He should have been glad that Kid was no longer upset, but he wasn't. If anything, it piss— it agitated him even more.

"I'm not brooding, and I'm not pissy, damn it!" Lord help him, it _did_ sound pissy. "But so what if I am? You're not the only one entitled to get angry, you know. I can be mad if I want to!" Louder, more menacing. _There. That's better._

Kid was singularly unimpressed. "What do you have to be mad about? You were the one who gambled away all our money, not me."

"I-I'm not talking about that," Heyes sputtered. "I'm just saying...." Suddenly, he wasn't sure what he was saying.

Kid shook his head slightly and said, "I don't know Heyes, some days you scare me."

"No, I don't." It was out before he could stop himself.

"What?"

Kid set down his gun and studied Heyes carefully for a moment. Heyes found himself squirming slightly under the scrutiny. He didn't answer.

After a painfully long pause, Kid asked, "Now, why the hell would you want to scare me?"

"I didn't say I wanted to scare you. I just... don't." Putting voice to his feelings made him realize how foolish it sounded. "Forget it. I'm going to sleep."

Heyes lay down, facing away from the fire and Kid. The heat from the flames was uncomfortably warm on his back, as were Kid's eyes on him, watching him.

He waited, but Kid didn't come around to his side of the fire.

 _Great. Now he's mad again._

A distinctly unpleasant thought. Then again, pleasant ones had been in short supply all day.

 _I don't want to make him mad. And I don't really want to make him scared, either. What the hell is wrong with me?_

Heyes fell asleep wondering, but answers were in short supply, too.

*****

They spent the next day on the trail, heading South. Kid didn't seem inclined to resume the previous evening's discussion, and Heyes silently breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe it _would_ simply be forgotten. Or, more likely, it would be dismissed as one of his—Heyes gritted his teeth—pissy moods. Fine. Whatever it took to put the whole embarrassing incident behind him was fine in his book.

Kid was quiet, but not unusually so. Heyes wasn't feeling all that talkative anyway, and they travelled in a reasonably companionable silence for most of the day.

The sun was dipping close to the horizon when Kid spotted a small structure, partially hidden behind a copse of trees. It turned out to be a line shack, long unused by all appearances, but in decent condition. There was even a small stream nearby, making it a perfect place to spend the night.

For supper, they dined on a pheasant that Heyes had picked off that afternoon. They'd seen some bigger game in the vicinity as well, deer and elk grazing in the distance. It was a good spot, deserted but with food and water to hand. Heyes made a mental note of the location—if they ever passed through this way again, it would be a good place to hole up. They could even stay for a while now, if they wanted.

As dusk fell, Kid looked at the lone bunk. He quirked a brow. "You coming to bed?"

Heyes wasn't surprised. Last night, he had sorely missed having Kid next to him, and he was sure Kid felt the same. When it was just the two of them, they rarely slept apart anymore, even if all they did was sleep.

Tonight though, Heyes hoped they would do more than just sleep.

He wasn't disappointed.

Kid pulled Heyes to his feet, then threaded his fingers in Heyes' hair and brought their heads together, foreheads touching briefly before their lips met. Heyes tangled his own fingers in Kid's soft waves and held on, hungry for the intoxicating taste of Kid's kiss.

They stood with their bodies pressed against each other and Heyes marveled, as he always did, at how they fit—two becoming one. All down the line, all their lives, they belonged together.

Kid's mouth moved lower, his tongue trailing a wet line of heat down Heyes' neck before latching on to his collarbone, nipping and sucking. Heyes tilted his head back, welcoming the familiar sting. He was eager for Kid's mark on his flesh, to match the mark Kid had already branded on his heart.

Kid drew back, panting. "Get 'em off," he said, tugging impatiently at Heyes' shirt.

Heyes obeyed, stripping his clothes off quickly as Kid did the same. Then they were kissing again, all barriers gone, skin against skin. Kid grabbed Heyes' ass, squeezing possessively. He pulled Heyes to him, welding them together.

Heyes' fingers moved over Kid's chest in firm, kneading strokes. He thumbed Kid's nipples and felt them harden into tight nubs. He rubbed his palms over them in slow circles and Kid groaned into his mouth. The sound of it vibrated inside his head, down his spine, and out to his rapidly stiffening cock.

They got into the bunk. It was little more than a rude pallet, narrow and hard, but Heyes barely noticed the discomfort. With their bedrolls under him and Kid on top, he was as close to heaven as he was ever likely to get. As close as he ever wanted to be.

Kid was leisurely taking him apart piece by piece, using his hands and mouth everywhere—well, _almost_ everywhere. Heyes' cock was feeling neglected. It started waving in the air in a desperate bid for attention. Kid, who was rubbing his nose against a ticklish spot below Heyes' ribs, didn't seem to notice. Heyes thought maybe it was time he pointed out the obvious to his partner. So to speak.

"Kid?"

"Mmm?"

"Kid, c'mon." He injected a sense of urgency this time.

"Mmmmm."

Heyes would've sworn Kid was smiling as he said that.

"Damn it, Ki— _aaaaah_..."

Warm, wet suction engulfed his cock and Heyes lost the ability to speak. Coherently, that is. He was still able to make all manner of sounds. So he did. And what he lacked in eloquence, he made up for in volume and intensity.

Kid correctly interpreted the noises Heyes was making as encouragement and applied himself more enthusiastically to the task at hand. He wrapped one of those large, talented hands around the base of Heyes' rigid shaft and cupped his balls with the other. Hands, mouth, and tongue moved in an ancient, visceral rhythm and Heyes was trapped, held in willing thrall, with only one way to escape.

But just before he found his release, Kid took his mouth away and clamped down firmly on the base of Heyes' cock. The noise Heyes made then was one of outraged and indignant protest. Which, oddly enough, sounded an awful lot like a pitiful, beseeching whimper.

"Wait. Here." Kid was pulling him to sit up. Heyes let himself be manhandled into whatever position Kid wanted, until he realized he was kneeling between Kid's spread thighs. Kid was lying on his back and had one leg hooked over Heyes' shoulder. He was golden in the lamplight, sprawled wantonly in unmistakable invitation.

Heyes was stunned. _He wants me to...._

Heyes had never fucked Kid before. They'd made love in nearly every other way under the sun, save this one. It wasn't something they'd ever actually talked about, but Heyes had figured out early on that Kid wasn't interested in being on the receiving end. It hadn't bothered Heyes overly much, as he found he _did_ like being on the receiving end, a lot. Having Kid inside him, filling him up—he'd tried to describe it once to Kid, but his silver tongue had been useless. It was beyond words, or at least his ability to articulate them.

"Kid...."

"You want this?" Kid asked, his voice rough.

Heyes could only nod. _Oh, yeah. Want this, want you._ His cock nodded in avid assent as well. He stuck two fingers in his mouth to wet them, then, his heart pounding, he slid one partway into Kid.

Kid didn't make a sound, but Heyes felt him tense. Heyes stopped moving.

"Keep going," Kid urged. His eyes were closed.

Heyes took a shaky breath and pushed in further. _Tight, so damned tight._ He eased in a second finger and rotated his hand, stretching the opening as gently as he could.

Finally, Kid's heel prodded his back. "Do it."

"You sure you want to do it this way? Might be easier from behind."

"No. Like this. Now."

Heyes, rock-hard and more than ready, didn't need to be told again. He spat in his hand and hastily slicked up his cock. He lifted Kid's other leg over his shoulder and positioned the head of his shaft over Kid's hole. He pressed in.

Heyes remembered his first time, how much it burned despite Kid taking every care. He tried to be as careful and gentle, but the urge to bury himself completely in Kid was overwhelming, and it took every ounce of willpower he could muster to keep from plundering the body under him. His muscles trembling with the effort, he stopped after his crown breached the entrance.

Kid hissed. His head was thrown back and Heyes could see a muscle twitch in his tightly-clamped jaw. A sheen of sweat covered his body.

"Kid?"

Kid murmured, "Okay, 'm okay. Keep going." He opened his eyes, and Heyes froze.

Fear. The blue eyes were pools of terror.

"Shit. Hold on..." Alarmed, Heyes tried to pull out, but Kid lunged up and grabbed him before he could move.

"No," he said fiercely. "Don't stop, don't you dare stop." He crushed his mouth against Heyes', silencing any protests before they could be formed. He slipped a hand between their bodies, and with a lover's knowing touch, he drove Heyes to the edge... then, deliberately, beyond it; beyond caution, beyond sanity.

Heyes fell, utterly lost to the desire that swept through him.

 _So tight, so hot, so good, so fucking good. Oh, Kid._

As though from a distance, he saw himself thrusting furiously, heard himself shout as he came, deep and hard.

And then everything faded away, for a while.

*****

"Heyes. Heyes, c'mon." Kid was pushing him. "Get off."

Heyes abruptly realized he was crushing Kid. Chagrined, he sat up hastily. His cock slipped out and Kid grunted.

Worried, Heyes asked, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

Kid shook his head. "Just a little sore."

"Are you sure?" Kid's gruff _sure I'm sure_ didn't convince him. "Stay put."

Heyes got a cloth and some water and came back to sit on the edge of the bunk. "Let's get you cleaned up." He wiped off the come spattered on Kid's belly. "Turn over."

"I'm fine, Heyes," Kid said, but turned face down anyway, pillowing his head on his arms.

The cloth was rough and Heyes winced in sympathy as Kid flinched a couple of times, even though he didn't say anything. When he was done, Heyes checked anxiously, but he didn't see any blood. Relieved, Heyes quickly cleaned himself off as well and threw the cloth in a corner.

"I told you, I'm fine." Kid reached out and grabbed Heyes' arm. "C'mere."

Awareness hit Heyes all at once.

That look in Kid's eyes.

It was like a bolt of lightning—or maybe a two-by-four to the noggin. His brain was finally working again and what it was telling him….

 _Dear God._

"Pissy" wasn't going to begin to touch this.

"Who, Kid? Who was it?" Heyes demanded, incensed. Kid flinched even harder than he had before, but Heyes barely took notice. His skull felt too tight, the rush of blood thundering in his head threatening to split it clean in two.

Kid had his face still tucked in the crook of one elbow, but Heyes could see his mouth open and close. Eventually, he sighed and said, "It don't matter now. It was a long time ago."

"'Don't matter'? Of course it matters! Who was it? Someone at the orphanage? Was that when—" Heyes choked, anger and shame churning his guts. _How could I have not known? Why didn't he tell me?_

Kid pressed his lips together and shook his head.

"Damn it! Who—" Then another two-by-four, this time to his gut. "And what the hell was _that_? You made me.... Did you really think I wanted that? Wanted you to be scared of me like that?" Appalled and sick to his stomach, Heyes tried to get up, move away, but Kid's grip on his arm held him fast.

"No." Still holding tight to Heyes, Kid sat up. He was a little pale and there was a crease between his brows. "No, of course not."

"Then what the hell, Kid?"

"I'm sorry, Heyes. I never meant for you to know. It really was a long time ago. I buried it, and it's gonna stay buried. I ain't gonna dig it up, not even for you." Kid cupped a hand against Heyes' face, as though to soften the harsh finality of his words. Instinctively, Heyes turned into the warm, reassuring caress.

"I put it behind me, mostly. Except for, well, you know." Kid smile was brittle and mirthless. "I couldn't bear to get fucked. Which wasn't important, until you and me.... I wanted to share that with you, Heyes, and it about killed me that I couldn't. You... you didn't seem to mind, being the one to always—"

"I don't." It was Heyes' turn to assure and console. He took Kid's hand and pressed a kiss in his palm. "I love what we have. I love you." The other thing Heyes was sure of in this life.

"I know. Me too." Kid's eyes were bright with the tears he wouldn't let fall. Heyes felt the sting in his own eyes, and blinked hard.

"So I let sleeping dogs lie. All this time, I took the easy way. Then you said what you said, about being scared, and it made me think. I guess I _was_ afraid—not of you, but of the memory. I laid that memory on you and let it rule me."

Blinking hard didn't seem to be working. Kid brushed at Heyes' wet cheek with his thumb.

"So why...?" Heyes wasn't fearful of the answer any longer, but he needed to know.

"I had to turn it around, lay _you_ over the memory. Because I truly am not scared of you, Heyes." This time Kid's smile was real; soft, if a little shadowed. "It... was harder than I thought, at first. But only at first. Then it was _you_. Not the memory. It was you, and it was good." He leaned in for a kiss. "And now it's over. It can't hurt me anymore."

 _Could it be that easy?_ Heyes wondered. They were brave words from a brave man, but something like that didn't go away overnight. Ghosts didn't give up their haunts without a fight.

But Kid was fighting back now, and Heyes would be there at his side to battle the ghosts as well. However long it took, they would fight and together they would win. It all came down to trust, and love.

 _Perfect love casts out fear._

Heyes pushed Kid down on the bed and kissed him thoroughly.

When they separated for breath, he murmured, "So it was good, huh?"

Kid laughed and his smile turned lewd. "Oh, yeah. And now that I know how good it can be, from here on out you'd better be prepared to do your share of the work, partner."

Heyes grinned back just as lecherously, even though his heart was full of sentimental soap. He didn't need to say any of that sappy stuff aloud, after all. Kid already heard every word.


End file.
